And Then Everything Changed

A friend once described me as having lived a charmed life, with no major upheavals. And that was largely true until 2009, when Reid, our only child, was killed in a car accident. He was 16.

I became a different woman that day—more vulnerable, more alone. Only a few people seemed to understand the depth of my pain. These friends listened carefully to me and asked perceptive questions. Spending time with them did me a world of good.

Gradually I realized that the most effective way to help myself heal would be to find a way to serve people in need or trouble, really serve them, the way my most sensitive of friends were helping me. In Sanskrit this is known as Seva: the kind of deep service to others in which you lose yourself, and in doing so find yourself. Walking the path toward Seva, one small step at a time, has proved to be a lifeline for me, a way of coaxing light back into my life.

As I’ve begun trying to help others with no agenda or motive of my own, carefully and whole-heartedly, I’ve started to become the person I’ve always wanted to be. More than anything, learning about selfless service has been a spiritual journey. It has subtly (and not-so-subtly) informed my writing.

Selfless service is not a main topic of my writing at the moment. But my journey toward it continues to shape who I am as a writer and person. And occasionally it comes to the surface, as in my recent blog entry “Knowing Chick.” Every day, though, I find myself wondering: Can I stay awake and alert to other people and what they need—if only a smile and a warm “hello”?